I used to think when people said they needed closure it meant they wanted to be done with the thing in all its forms and walk away. That isn’t it, though, is it.
Dannica wanted to be “planted with trees.” Simply learning of this so close in time to her passing is a miracle. I overheard her and her brother laughing about the video game noises they wanted to make when they died. Such laughter, such silliness… I loved being a “fly on the wall” for those wonderful interactions. So much love between my babies, these siblings, these soul mates.
No music in the world was more beautiful than the sound of those two laughing together!
As I look back over our lives, I can see now that her soul knew. There were so many signs she would not be with us for long. Things said, things done, not done. Things not done well.
Each moment since Dannica’s passing has been surreal… as time moves forward it only feels more so. I look around me, reflect upon my daily activities and interactions and once in a while, or several times a day, remember *that night*, that moment, the horror, the incredulous split… the separation of my own spirit from form which was absolutely necessary to keep me taking one breath after another, one step, another step, constantly reminding myself that none of this is real. Were it up to my conscious self to go on, I’d be long gone.