I do have very strong spiritual beliefs and for that I am grateful. It is the history of my entire life that has slowly prepared me for the events of the last many days. I can see it as if from above; agreements made, potentials discussed, lessons considered… and Wednesday, the 14th of November, it was as the hustle and bustle backstage before the curtain goes up. “Places, everyone!” …and now the janitor quietly sweeps between the isles, the lights dimmed, roses thrown all over the stage. I have spoken with many people who felt a ripple move through their lives during that 24 hours before Dannica left this place. Many people felt it coming, didn’t know why, weren’t sure what, but knew for sure *her*… somehow, something… they felt it coming.
Some have asked me, “How can you stand here? How can you be so strong? How are you doing this?” Well, I have moved as steadily as I know how from one breath to the next. “Breathe, Breathe again, good… once more…. just one time more…” Soon, I was able to stand. The tears crumbled me, the energy drained through my feet and pulled me to the ground again. Only Mother Earth could hold me up. So I stayed there, and the only power I knew was gravity. Eventually, I stood again, took a step. Took another step… this is where I live now…. taking a step; maybe another step. Maybe. Someday, I will run again, dance again, sing again, smile up into the sun again and rejoice in every moment with all my heart. Someday. Maybe.
Others have asked me, “What has this done to your faith?”
“This has made my faith stronger, far stronger, than it has ever been.” I tell them.
“How can that be?!” They ask. “How can that be?”
I have learned in my life that no matter how much it hurts, no matter how unfair it seems, no matter how senseless, something good will come of it. It’s never evident in the moment. But these things are undeniable when they start showing up. Divine order is beautifully manifest in absolutely everything one can rest their eyes upon, their hands, their heart.
I will have my moments of weakness, and I’ll grow stronger. For now, one breath, another breath, stand, one step, another step. Breathe, raise my eyes to the sky, bring my hands to my heart and hold her there and listen and watch and patiently wait… for something good.